Editorial Review

David J. Pelzer's mother, Catherine Roerva, was, he writes in this ghastly, fascinating memoir, a devoted den mother to the Cub Scouts in her care, and somewhat nurturant to her children--but not to David, whom she referred to as "an It." This book is a brief, horrifying account of the bizarre tortures she inflicted on him, told from the point of view of the author as a young boy being starved, stabbed, smashed face-first into mirrors, forced to eat the contents of his sibling's diapers and a spoonful of ammonia, and burned over a gas stove by a maniacal, alcoholic mom. Sometimes she claimed he had violated some rule--no walking on the grass at school!--but mostly it was pure sadism. Inexplicably, his father didn't protect him; only an alert schoolteacher saved David. One wants to learn more about his ordeal and its aftermath, and now he's written a sequel, Read more

Reviews (1753)

The Best Book Ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is a story about a young David.His life was practically perfect and then it all changed.His mother beats him from age 4-12!It's horrible, but it is such a great book.You will cry when he cries, and you will hurt when he hurts, but you will feel his angry and hate for his mother when he does!
A story about a Brave child
I read this book in 2 days, less then 24 hours. I was so touched by David's strength that he had from a very young age. It's hard to believe anyone especially someone's mother would do the kind of things she did to David. It's sickening and sad. I am glad David decided to tell his story, as I'm sure it has helped other people. I am currently reading David'd 2nd book the lost boy and hope to get hid 3rd book as well as his brother Richards books
"A Child Called 'it' " is a good read!
"A Child Called 'it' " is a book about a young boy,David, who is severely beaten by horrible, cruel mother.No one knew the purpose of this,(the beatings) but it maybe she was taking out her anger from her constant fights with her husband or maybe she is just very frustrated with having all the respnsobilities of being a normal,kind, and caring mother to all of David's other siblings.Although it was extremely unlikley for David to survive, his hope & faith kept him alive.
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Subjects:  1. Abuse - General    2. Abused children    3. Abusive mothers    4. Biography    5. Biography & Autobiography    6. Biography / Autobiography    7. Biography/Autobiography    8. California    9. Children of alcoholics    10. Daly City    11. Family relationships    12. General    13. Pelzer, David J    14. Personal Memoirs    15. Specific Groups - Special Needs    16. Child abuse    17. Self-Help / General   

Reviews (416)

David's courage story continues
10 stars - As with David's first book A Child called It this book is just as fabulous.It really gives readers an excellent perspective of what's it like to be a foster child.To get attached to people and then have to leave, never really knowing where your going to end up. In this book David thankfully was taken out of his mothers care and ended up a F-Child or Foster Child. In the book we see young David still struggling with what his mother did too him and wondering the biggest question why? We see David over several years go through 5 foster families each who help shape and mold his life for the better. We see him go from a scared little 12 year old to a young man who sees more for himself and has a path planned for his future.

One person's tragedy is another's miracle
Sitting down with this book, I thought it would be just as heartbreaking as "A child called it". However, this book was inspiring and moving. David Pelzer took a tradgedy and turned it into a miracle. None the less, he managed to do this all before the age of eighteen, a challenge most adults could not take on. As David reaches his goals, he teaches all of us an important lesson, reach for the stars and never give up; there is always room for hope, love, and passion.

Heartbreaking, inspirational story - Highly Recommended!
I wasn't a big reader until recently after finishing my Master's degree and not having anything to do with all my free time. I heard about A Child Called It from a friend and read it in 24 hours. It was a horrifying tale and I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like to go through that kind of abuse and neglect as a child. Within the hour of finishing that book, I drove to the closest bookstore to pick up The Lost Boy, but I couldn't find it!!! I ordered it from Amazon and the wait was somewhat painful. I just had to know what happened next and I couldn't stop thinking about little David Pelzer until my book finally arrived!
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Subjects:  1. Abuse - General    2. Abused children    3. Abusive mothers    4. Alternative Family    5. Biography    6. Biography & Autobiography    7. Biography / Autobiography    8. Biography/Autobiography    9. California    10. Childhood Memoir    11. Children of alcoholics    12. Daly City    13. Dysfunctional Families    14. Family relationships    15. Pelzer, David J    16. Personal Memoirs    17. Biography & Autobiography / General    18. Child care & upbringing   

Reviews (62)

The Best Book on Borderline Mothers
This is the best book by far for anyone whose mother has borderline personality disorder. It is a book specific to this relationship whereas other books on the market try to cover spousal borderline relationships, etc. as well as parent-child and miss the depth found in this book. This is a must-read for adult children of borderlines -and it's not necessarily an easy go. The author has pegged situations/emotions with uncanny accuracy and puts words to what I personally could never accurately describe to an "outsider". Thankfully I have siblings and all of us have stuck together like glue over the years. I could never imagine an only child having to handle what we did. That's what makes this book so powerful -it is a voice, an explanation, a validation.

Very powerful and nothing short of amazing.
I am ETERNALLY appreciative and thankful to Dr. Lawson and her bold compassion. Until this book came along, the secret life of children born to such parents/caregivers remained silent, misunderstood, disregarded, unexposed, and considered surreal or unimaginable. Any words I choose to include here could not possibly illustrate how intensely grateful I am to the author for writing this book. This book has done more for me than words could EVER express, and after reading it I felt understood, and most importantly, whole.
True understanding at last.
For anyone with friends or family members who suffer from borderline personality disorder themselves or have borderline parents, this book is an absolutely invaluable source of insight and information. You'll feel a lot less alone dealing with the bewildering world of the borderline personality, and the book offers a very helpful section about the practicalities of dealing with the borderline people in your life. Written with grace and a sort of Jungian-archetype framework, the book is readable but precise, mythic but spot on. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Dysfunctional Families    2. Personality    3. Psychology    4. Psychopathology - General    5. Social Psychology    6. Child & developmental psychology    7. Parenthood    8. Psychology & Psychiatry / Mental Illness   

Reviews (113)

Insightful, Educational, and Very Important
This book is a must read for anyone who has experienced domestic violence or cares about someone who is experiencing it.No other book does as good of a job explaining why abusers do what they do.It is key to understanding the dynamic of these people and avoiding further damage.

Made me want to leave my husband!
I can't really say that I hated this book or that I really liked it. I can say that it makes an abuser look REALLY bad and make you almost hate that person. It made me feel like my husband, even though he doesn't physically abuse me, knows what he's doing when he manipulates and frightens me. I have chosen to seek god for myself but it would be a sin to leave him. My husband is also a recovering alcoholic. Is he an abuser or an alcoholic? I don't know know, maybe he's both. Or maybe his parents were so screwed up with their own lives that my poor husband never got a chance to live a spiritual life. I do know that my husband as little to no self esteem and that is something that can be worked on I am sure. Men are delicate creatures in their emotions. Woman are much stronger, contrary to popular belief. A man will give an emotional answer to a practical question a lot. I would like a christian point of view when it comes to angry men and why they do the things they do and how to manage your family around it. I mean do I just let my husband yell at us ALL the time? The bible tells me to act one way but as a mother I feel it is my duty to stand in front of them and protect them from an emotionally abusive attack. So with that said, anyone have any suggestions? I am going to try Angry Men and the Women who love them. And see if that one is any better. I have heard it's great.

A timely and extremely valuable eye-opener. Life and sanity saving!
This book was a Godsend. It was extremely useful in helping me understand the reasoning and motivation behind my husband's abusive behavior, and it gave me clear and compelling guidance about how to deal with it from the man recognized as the leading expert in this field. I have shared it with my pastor and intend to give copies to several dear counselors and friends who mean well and love me but aren't really familiar with the issues surrounding domestic violence and abuse. This book will give a great deal of valuable insight to anyone in need or interested in supporting others in crisis (both the battered and those who batter). I feel like it has truly been a life-line. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Abuse - General    2. Abusive men    3. Dysfunctional Families    4. Family / Parenting / Childbirth    5. Family violence    6. Gender Psychology    7. Personality    8. Psychology    9. Social Welfare Services For Special Classes    10. United States    11. Wife abuse    12. Self-Help / General   

Editorial Review

The third tale in David Pelzer's autobiographical trilogy, Read more

Reviews (195)

A must read! Highly recommended!
I just finished this book about 20 minutes ago. During the past two weeks I read all 3 books in this series. My heart broke during the first book as I read a trageic story that no child should ever have to experience. During the second book I cheered Pelzer on as he was slowly recovering and sometimes even enjoying life. I almost didn't read the 3rd book in the series, because I was confident that Pelzer's life turned out well. However, I just couldn't stop myself from wanting to know how it all ended.
Wow
The end of the trilogy. I finally got my head around part of what makes him so compelling. If you read what the marketers put together, you may think this is gloomy and such. Nope. It's about how he survived, and is therefore inspiring. But what finally comes together for me in this conclusion is the author's refusal to let me hate his mother the way I'd like to. Damn, life would be easier that way. Pelzer's no saint, mind you. He's human too. But dang, I really did want him to let me hate his mother. You can learn a lot from this guy, even if you do hate his mother.

Great book.
We enjoyed reading all of Dave Pelzer's books.Excellent reading for all. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Abuse - General    2. Abused children    3. Abusive mothers    4. Biography    5. Biography & Autobiography    6. Biography / Autobiography    7. Biography/Autobiography    8. California    9. Children of alcoholics    10. Daly City    11. Family relationships    12. Personal Memoirs    13. Specific Groups - Special Needs    14. Biography & Autobiography / Personal Memoirs    15. Biography: general   

Reviews (31)

Exceptional book- very healing
As a grown woman who has been puzzled and confused by my relationship with my mother for 30+ years this book was an enormous relief. Clearly written, not assigning blame, not overly complex.It was incredibly validating to a person found their entire childhood, teenage years and young adult life in plain simple words.A tremendous relief just to know that I am not alone in experiencing the criticism, sharp words, irritability, and outright competition and that it was undeserved. The information alone has provided an enormous perspective on my own behaviors and attitudes and why they developed as coping mechanisms or byproducts of that unhealthy relationship. Just the knowledge that those attitudes and beliefs are a normal response to what I experienced inspires me to make changes that will lead to the kind of life I want.
A Must Read
I am quite sure this book has saved me thousands of dollars in therapy. The book does an excellent job of describing what narcissistic behavior (the bad kind) really is and how it impacts those who are raised by narcissists. It offers some very empowering information. Most importantly... clearly stating that narcissists will never change and acknowledge the hurtful things they do to their children because they are not capable of seeing their children as individual beings AND that it is okay to protect yourself against the hurt.

Excellent
During my own course of therapy, I discovered that my mother was most likely a narcisstistic parent. I picked up this book and my mom fit the descriptions to a 'T.' The information is presented extrememly well, very organized - much better than other books on the topic. And it validated some of the issues I'm dealing with personally in therapy. The tone is gentle and reassuring, but not coddling. I felt like finally, somebody understood what I had been dealing with all my life.There are exercises to help you deal with overcoming issues - I've done a couple and shown them to my therapist.If you have a parent like this, wow, it's very difficult to handle the repercussions. But this book really will help. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Adult children    2. Dysfunctional Families    3. Family    4. General    5. Narcissism    6. Parent and adult child    7. Parenting - Parent & Adult Child    8. Psychology    9. Self-Help    10. Mind, body, spirit: disciplines & techniques    11. Popular psychology   

Reviews (9)

excellent.......
I am a family lawyer and this book is one of the best that I have read.

It saved my soul
I have been abused again and again - over and over and overby practically everyone in my life - friends, family, teachers, and lovers.I always felt like I was a magnet for hurt and deception.One day I looked at myself in the mirror and I wasn't there - my soul was gone - in hiding.I had to do something - I walked to the bookstore since my husband had taken away the keys to the car - another example of EMOTIONAL ABUSE - and I found this book.I read it cover to cover and changed my life.Now I have the weapons to stop any emtional abuse.now I am the agressor - and my soul is back - and dancing.

someone who cares..
Hi I would like for you to know that this is a very good book. I was emotionally abused by my boy friend for 2 years and I would always have a reason for why he treated me that way. After reading this book it has really helped me to find my self and to love me again. ((Please buy the book))You will see what I am talking about..... ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Abuse - General    2. Family Violence    3. Interpersonal Relations    4. Self-Help    5. Marriage & relationships    6. Self-Help / Abuse   

Reviews (30)

Loved the courage of this child
It Seems like everyone is trying to compare him with his brother. It shouldn't matter who got beaten the worse, their both strong and brave because they survived. I think the brothers should have help each other alot more. And their dad was a disgrace. It's just ashamed the community let this happen, And did not put her in jail for all the harsh stuff she did and they also had proof of it.
Following his brothers footsteps
I read all of David's books and was very moved..however Richard's seemed to hit alot of the same incidents..in either case I can't believe no one ever spoke up to help..I do feel David's books were better written .. I feel bad anyone would have to go through life as they did.. I wouldn't pass this book as I feel it almost reads the same as David's

Amazing story
This book was amazing. The hell Richard Pelzer and his brother David were put through makes you wonder how a mother could ever harm their child. I couldn't put this book down as I couldn't put David Pelzer's books down either. As soon as I recieved the book in the mail, I started to read it and was done in 2 days, which was disappointing because now I have nothing to read! Order this book, you won't be disappointed! ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Abuse - General    2. Abused children    3. Adult child abuse victims    4. Biography    5. Biography / Autobiography    6. California    7. Child Abuse    8. Childhood Memoir    9. Children of alcoholics    10. Children's Studies    11. Daly City    12. General    13. Pelzer, Richard B    14. Social Science    15. Sociology    16. Specific Groups - General    17. United States    18. Biography & Autobiography / General   

Editorial Review

All parents fall short from time to time. But Susan Forward pulls no punches when it comes to those whose deficiencies cripple their children emotionally. Her brisk, unreserved guide to overcoming the stultifying agony of parental manipulation--from power trips to guilt trips and all other killers of self worth--will help deal with the pain of childhood and move beyond the frustrating relationship patterns learned at home. ... Read more

Reviews (94)

Overly Simplistic but Good Tips
As someone who has a toxic mother, you know how everyday feels like an eternity when you feel so much pain inside.Half of the book is about other people's experiences with her in therapy and the other half is about how we can change our situation ourselves.I gave her 1 star because of this very important point that she misses:If you have a truly toxic parent, confrontation is not the answer (as she says).I agree with the other reviewer who gave one star because it doesn't seem like she has truly been in this kind of a situation.The REALITY of LIVING WITH TOXIC PARENTS is that THEY DO NOT CHANGE.I am a grounded and fair minded person, but I think her advice is baloney.And she spent chapters on bits of advice that you could outline on one page.I felt so bad after reading it.Thanks for letting me share my thoughts with all of you.

I Only Wish I Had Read this YEARS Ago!
It would have saved me years of guilt about hating my mother ("Mommie Dearest" without all the glamour) and wishing things could be different.
Toxic Parents
This book was extremely helpful to understand and recover from family stress.It explains vividly and in easily understood terms that any reader can understand.It is compassionate and practical and helps give readers direction for moving forward.I highly recommend this book. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Dysfunctional Families    2. General    3. Interpersonal Relations    4. Parenting - Parent & Adult Child    5. Psychology    6. Self-Help    7. Self-Help & Practical Interests    8. Self-Help / General   

Reviews (42)

Another very fine, but disturbing book about the problems with 'the two party system'...
Fact: The US of A was actually founded with
Interesting, vital book
I first saw the accusations in the book on a half finished Yorkshire television documentary that never made it to television. The allegations were so horrific in the film; it near enough reduced me to tears. So shocked at the material in the film I had to read the book. Sadly the book documents episodes that are far more disheartening than the film did.
Corruption In High Places
Lawyer and former state senator John Decamp's book can't be easily dismissed as a wild conspiracy theory, given all the evidence presented in the book and the solid reputation of many who believe in the crimes and the cover-up. One victim of abuse comments that this corruption must stop because next time it could be your kid. Not for the faint of heart, the book covers many grisly details of satanic ritual murder and torture of children by prominent members of society and a subsequent cover-up orchestrated by law enforcement and the press. I believe the problem will grow worse if you let people who are supposedly here to protect us and keep us informed abuse their positions of privilege, trust, and authority for their own gain or security. We might have to start limiting the amassing of great wealth and power because people who get a great amount of wealth and power think that they can get away with anything. And so far, they have.
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Subjects:  1. Abuse    2. Abuse - General    3. Child abuse    4. Drug traffic    5. Money laundering    6. Murder - General    7. Nebraska    8. Political corruption    9. True Crime / Espionage    10. United States - State & Local - General    11. DeCamp, John W    12. King, Larry   

Reviews (12)

Identifies Problem, but Doesn't Provide Solution
I felt this book identified the problem extremely well.I could see how a relationship I've been in fits the description of a betrayal bond nearly perfectly.However, I was disappointed in that I did not think the solution was very clearly explained.In fact, p. 35 says that trauma bonds "can be formed almost instantaneously, but they can last forever," leaving me to wonder if there is any hope.p. 165 identifies the dimensions of recovery as healthy bonds, boundary development, role development, trauma resolution, systems change, sense of self, key metaphors, and a recovery plan.However, I did not feel that these dimensions (except perhaps the recovery plan) were adequately explained in the book.One final criticism is that the suggestion to develop healthy bonds seems to focus only on developing healthy bonds with a therapist and support groups.Not everyone is going to feel the need for therapy and support groups, if they have adequate support from significant people in their life.Why doesn't the author address the importance of forming healthy bonds with family and friends?I would think a trauma survivor would be better off with healthy, supportive relationships in their life in the form of family and friends, than to become dependent on a therapist and support group.I am not much of a believer in psychotherapy, so I did not find this particular book very useful.I would have liked concrete suggestions for how to detach from the person who I have this unhealthy bond with.

A Must Read !!!
If you are looking for a book about toxic relationships, and healing from them, you have found an excellent choice in reading.Patrick Carnes speaks so plainly, he is easy to unerstand, and will definately assist in your journy in healing from horrible relationships.
Great Book
Doctor Carnes is a visionary. This book has explained so many important issues. I have have recomended it to friends who struggle with guilt about the relationships they had with their molesters. However, it is a good book for anyone in recovery. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Abuse - General    2. Betrayal    3. Exploitation    4. Family & Relationships    5. Family/Marriage    6. Interpersonal Relations    7. Psychological abuse    8. Psychological aspects    9. Psychology    10. Relationship addiction    11. Family & Relationships / Abuse    12. Marriage, family & other relationships   

Reviews (2)

Brainy and well worth it
This is a scholarly collection of essays from leading theorists in the field of attachment and neurobiology.It provides an exciting, in-depth overview from various perspectives from the inner workings of the brain, to the development of the social mind, to what it all mean for clinicians.There is both theory and practical advice.The last several chapters are particularly relevant to psychotherapists in the field working with individuals with trauma.The down side of the book is that some of the early chapters are somewhat rhedundant and heady, necessarily so in the science presented, but definately overlapping.However, I'd strongly recommend it for all clinicians wanting to stay abreast of the exciting developments in this area. I use it in supervision groups I lead for therapists, for example.
Traumas as Social Interactions
We react to serious mishaps, life altering setbacks, disasters, abuse, and death by going through the phases of grieving. Traumas are the complex outcomes of psychodynamic and biochemical processes. But the particulars of traumas depend heavily on the interaction between the victim and his social milieu.Read more

Subjects:  1. Abuse - General    2. Clinical Psychology    3. Mental Health    4. Post-traumatic stress disorder    5. Psychic trauma    6. Psychology    7. Psychopathology - General    8. Psychophysiology    9. Stress Disorders, Post-Traumat    10. Treatment    11. Neurology & clinical neurophysiology    12. Psychotherapy   

Reviews (19)

A helping hand
A beautiful book containing many simple yet profound insights.A very helpful tool for those exploring the within for the purpose of healing.

Legacy of the Heart
Just what I expected it to be. It's a practical application of spiritual principles. Very easy to follow and very poigniant.

Best book of it's kind!
This book helps readers to identify in what ways they may be hampered by their past and gives amazing practices to help overcome being stuck there. The author is compassionate but unerringly insightful about the defences we use to stop ourselves from incurring futher pain, yet he makes us want to move from that place by realizing how much we are cutting ourselves off from the joys of life.
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Subjects:  1. Abuse - General    2. Adult children of dysfunctional families    3. Consolation    4. General    5. Religious life    6. Self-Help    7. Spiritual exercises    8. Psychology & Psychiatry / General    9. Romance   

Reviews (20)

Helpful Introduction
This simple, sensitive book is a wonderful introduction to those new to therapy and/or exploring their childhood histories of abuse. It is written for people of all backgrounds and thus is accessible to most. I've probably referred well over a hundred people to this book at some point in their therapy. Reactions have included "It doesn't apply to me", but were mostly along the lines of "I couldn't put it down - I kept reading and re-reading it." The beauty and power of it lies in it's simplicity. It's almost impossible to get lost in it intellectually - you have the space to "get it" emotionally.

Outgrowing But Up-growing
I thought it was a little immature. Not for older readers. It's for young teens to sit around and read to understand their "so-called" feelings about what they have experienced in the recent past. Or a older teen that just remember about a past experienced about at the ages of 4-6. Not for prelonged abuse survivors.

A good read--but a bit short
This is a simple read to get a survivor physical, emotional, or sexual abuse started. I found it a bit lacking in depth--perhaps because it is so short--and I did not care for the illustrations. Again, recommended as a good starting point. For a more in-depth examination of this subject, I found Miss America By Day by Marilyn VanDerber to be extremely compelling. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Abuse - General    2. Child abuse    3. Family / Parenting / Childbirth    4. General    5. Psychology    6. Complementary Medicine    7. Self-Help / General   

Reviews (3)

Katz is right on--this is the next step in ending violence.
Jackson Katz believes that an end to violence (of all kinds, but particularly violence against women) must come from a new definition of masculinity that does not support violent behavior.His book explains clearly why this is and how to begin to make it happen and is some of the most positive and forward-thinking work in this field.This book is very accessible--it is not accusatory or preach-y and is very honest.I have bought a second copy of the book because so many people have been interested in borrowing it.Jackson Katz is a real innovator and his book is insightful and inspiring.

Buy this for the men in your life....
I wish I had 200 copies of this book. There are so many men I know that can find themselves depicted in Katz's clear and insightful reflections on male culture today. Why has the violence women suffer at the hands of some men been called a "woman's issue"? Where's the curiosity and creativity of more men when it comes to looking at why violence and sexual violence in particular are so epidemic? Or even, more dangerously, glamorized in aspects of the pornography industry? Forget "Pretty Woman" or "The Girl Next Door" and dive into real life. Katz has done his research and articulates a vision that should make every man stand up and collectively work to make this a world they are proud their daughters and sons will inherit. I really wish I had 200 copies....

Great job, Jackson
I've always been a big fan of Jackson Katz' work and his latest book is no exception. This is a really accessible, well written, and thorough piece that takes a critical look at the hegemony in our society that makes violence against women by men, men's destructive and violent behavior become a culturally normal thing. Katz does an incredible job in piecing together his argument in a clear manner that doesn't alienate the audience..and in any sort of anti-violence work, that's a really difficult thing to do because the subject matter is such a serious and taboo one. I would highly recommend this book for any parent, any educator, anybody that wants to take proactive steps against men's violence in america and think critically about those issues. I would also suggest Jackson's video, the bible of any men's anti-violence work "Tough Guise" (www.mediaed.org). As a student in the women studies department at the University of Washington, I can say that Jackson's work is always highly respected and popular among the students and faculty.
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Subjects:  1. Abuse - General    2. Crimes against    3. Family & Relationships    4. Family/Marriage    5. Men's Studies - General    6. Psychology Of Men    7. Self-Help    8. Sex crimes    9. Sociology    10. Violence (Sociological Aspects)    11. Violence against    12. Women    13. Self-Help / Abuse   

Reviews (39)

Unbelievable
I read this book and it took me about a week!! Why??? Because everytime I started to read it the tears just started flowing! It is unthinkable what this poor child went through. I cannot even imagine what the mother was thinking or should I say "monster" because she is by NO means a mother! I can just feel for this little girl, she was so wanting to please her monster to no avail. Right up to the end thats all she wanted to do. HOW can people do THIS??? There is barely a day when I don't think about Ursula and wish SOMEONE had done SOMETHING to stop this! To me it's ridiculous how people can just ignore it or not see it. This world just gets worse day by day. For you URSULA I say the world is cruel. I love you!

Cried Tears For This Baby Girl................
I just received this book in the mail today and could not stop reading it until I was done.I cried from the beginning til the end.This beautiful little girl,Ursula was beaten to death.I pictured all the abuse Ursula went through as I looked at her face on the back cover from time to time as I read.I was crying so hard for the pain that Ursula was going through my husband came into the room.The severity of the abuse Ursula suffered, no little girl should have to endure.The most heart-breaking part of the book is the comments and cries out for help to Ursula's mother in her weakened little voice.This book is definitely not for young readers.What these people did to this sweet loving little girl and no one saw the signs.No one helped her.Why didn't the teacher, neighbors, co-workers or friends see her malnourished, beaten and slumped over body?She cried out for help and no one heard her cries or they did and ignored them.That's all Ursula wanted was to be loved and taken care of by her mother. Instead every day she left Ursula with a monster and did nothing to stop him when she came home.Eventually she even joins in at the instruction of her boyfriend.When Ursula died they threw her away and erased all traces of her like she never existed.I shed more tears in the time it took me to read Ursula's story than her mother did when she died.She had every chance to help that little girl and sat idly by.I recommend this book to everyone with a child. I recommend this book to everyone without a child.Recognize the signs and get involved.Save these kinds of children from going through this pain. I will hug my kids a little more and a little tighter after having read this tragic story of a little girl named Ursula Sunshine Assaid.

i will never forget.........................
I lived down the street from ursula,when i was young,i used to walk down the street every day.....after reading this book,a part of me felt guilty,thinking why i didn't pay attention to a lone little girl tied to a tree....i wonder did i ever see her outside and if so why i never saw she was in pain....i know i was only 12 but, maybe if i had noticed,maybe she would be alive today...what he did to her and the neighbor,she confided in and the teachers not noticing i'll never understand why adults just look the other way...Sorry Ursula...we should have noticed your pain and saved you. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. 1977-1982    2. Abuse - General    3. Abused children    4. Assaid, Ursula Sunshine,    5. Biography    6. Case studies    7. Child Abuse    8. Family & Relationships    9. Family & Relationships / Abuse    10. Family/Marriage    11. Mortality    12. Prevention    13. Self-Help    14. United States    15. Abuse    16. Assaid, Ursula Sunshine    17. Domestic Violence   

Reviews (6)

Excellent Resource
This book succintly provides critical information for judges, therapists, parent evaluators/GALs, and most importantly parents trying to protect their children from harm.It highlights the many misconceptions present in the legal system that enable abusers to continue to victimize their children and spouses, and explains how these situations should be addressed, backed by data to support the authors' conclusions.This is a credible well-written book that provides a rational counter to the awful theories of Richard Gardner.

For Public Consumption
As a former severely battered wife and for two decades as an advocate for social justice: this book is long overdue. Specifically, the authors address the untenable situation of a
Male "victim" is obviously a perpetrator
Anyone with real experience and knowledge in the realm of domestic violence can clearly see that Bancroft is on target. He is one of the few authors who truly understands the dynamics of abuse and can accurately assess those who are truly abusers ... many of whom call themselves the "victims." There are definitive signs of men who abuse, though they work so hard to hide it that they get angry when they discover their attempts don't work with Brancroft.
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Subjects:  1. Abuse - General    2. Abusive men    3. Criminology    4. Dysfunctional Families    5. Family / Parenting / Childbirth    6. Family violence    7. Interpersonal Relations    8. Social Science    9. Sociology    10. United States    11. Victims of family violence    12. Wife abuse    13. Domestic violence    14. Family & Relationships / Abuse   

Reviews (26)

things my mother never told me
this book is a gold mine of information about verbal abuse and domestic violence relationships...how to tell if you are in one...types of verbal abuse...how to respond and protect yourself...and how to get out of the relationship

Verbal Abuse--Survivors Speak Out
I read this author's first "Verbal Abuse" book last year.It was the best I found on the subject.I just read her 2nd book "Survivors Speak Out."I can't say enough about how it gave me the strength I needed to begin recovering from verbal abuse. I'm a independent successful businesswoman, who learned the hard way how low grade consistent verbal abuse caused long lasting damage to my stomach. Both books are a "must" for any woman feeling she & her mate are "talking a different language" (see back cover of first book.)

Educating Yourself about Verbal Abuse
This book is a good tool for counselors as well as people in recovery. It identifies verbal abuse in the many forms that it takes. It also gives insight on some of the patterns and dynamics involved as well as how some have turned their lives around. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Abuse - General    2. Family violence    3. General    4. Interpersonal Relations    5. Interpersonal conflict    6. Invective    7. Psychological abuse    8. Psychology    9. Social Science    10. Sociology    11. United States    12. Bullying    13. Social welfare & social services   

Reviews (14)

awakening
This book was recommended by my therapist and after reading it I gave it to a friend who is also an adult child of an alcoholic.I haven't got the book back so I'm buying another copy for myself.I NEED to read it again and again. It opened my eyes and put a lot of the pieces of the puzzle together for me. Although it's hard to face some of the realities this book points out, I believe it to be one of the vital steps I am taking in trying to change my life for the better. It's never too late.

accurate and helpful
claudia black is a respected author in the field of addictions.she writes for adults and children for both alcoholics and their families.i have read many books in this area and she is one of my favorite authors.the book is short, accutate,compassionately written, and forever timely. worth reading!

Excellent Insight into Who I am and Why
I read this book AFTER reading ADULT CHILDREN OF ALCOHOLICS by Janet Woititz.Both provided me with insight into a problem I only recently realized I have.However, Black's book is both easier to read and has more detailed analysis.She divides ACoAs into four categories:The Responsible One, The Adjuster, The Placater, and "Acting Out".I fit the profile of Responsible in every way.I now understand myself better, and am beginning therapy for the first time in my life at the age of 55.Thank you, Dr. Black, for opening my eyes! ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Abuse - General    2. Adult Children of Alcoholics    3. Alcoholics    4. Children of alcoholic parents    5. Family relationships    6. Self-Help    7. Substance Abuse & Addictions - Alcoholism    8. Popular psychology    9. Psychology & Psychiatry / General