Reviews (149)

It's really about Perspective
I remember the first time I encountered this book.I was a preadoptive parent and it was on the scant reading list my agency provided to look at before adoption.It scared the heck out of me.How could this happen?How could someone be so hurt and filled with anger at the events that had shaped their lives?I wanted to listen to the adoptees that said: this is not true, it's just anger and it didn't happen to me, there must be something wrong with her to have had this happen.I wanted to be a parent and hope for the happy rosy picture that says adoption is win win....a child gets a loving family and a family gets a child to love.
An absolute must-have!
"Twenty things" is one of those books that every adoptive parent needs to own and have read over and over again. Prescribed to us by our adoption agency, it is an informative and educational text that avoids the overly academic. It is a practical guide that provides real, down-to-earth advice and strategies relevant to understanding your (adoptive) child/ren. I thoroughly recommend this book, especially to those who are considering or are currently in the process of adoption. For those who have already adopted - this is a complete tool in better understanding how your child/ren is/are feeling and wanting from you.

Why Bother To Adopt??
As a mother of four adopted children, I found this book to be very disturbing. It came across as one woman's way of venting her anger and frustration of being adopted. She felt she was deceived and had never forgiven her parents, both adoptive and natural. (She says she was never really told she was adopted, she just found out)
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Subjects:  1. Adopted children    2. Adoptees    3. Adoption    4. Family & Relationships    5. Family / Parenting / Childbirth    6. Family/Marriage    7. Advice on parenting    8. Family & Relationships / Adoption    9. Marriage, family & other relationships   

Reviews (51)

They Finally Get To Tell Their Stories...
What a fantastic book. I saw a short write up for it in a popular women's magazine, and though I never before had any interest in this subject, I was intrigued. I'm so glad I read it. I can't believe the things these poor scared young women had to go through. Most being pretty much abandoned by their families, and sent to 'homes for unwed mothers'...all because society of the 50's and 60's said it was unacceptable to be a pregnant, unmarried woman.
I lived with the Aftermath of my Mother's History....
My mother was a "Girl who Went Away"...a fact that I didn't learn until I was in my mid-twenties.
Such an important book which sheds light on the past as well as the present
Fessler has compiled a very moving collection of oral histories from mostly white, middle class women who were coerced to relinquish their babies as teenage unwed mothers.Many of their stories recount how little they knew about sex and pregnancy, and their very ignorance makes a strong indictment of the social norms of the times, when the sexual appetites of teenage girls were denied. The saddest stories are told by women who saw their pregnancies as the culmination of their love affairs and as the beginning of family life with their babies' fathers.To protect the reputation of their own families, parents of these girls turned to the adoption industry and the babies disappeared.Young mothers were told that they would forget about this early 'mistake' when they married and had more children. They were also told that they were not competent to be parents, and that other couples were more worthy.Many of the storytellers in this book carried that sense of unworthiness with them throughout their adulthood until, aided by reunion with their now adult surrendered children, some are able to heal.
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Subjects:  1. Adoption    2. Adoption And Adoption Services    3. Birthmothers    4. Psychological aspects    5. Social History    6. Social Science    7. Sociology    8. United States    9. Women's Studies - General    10. Women's Studies - History    11. Social Science / Women's Studies   

Reviews (4)

Inspiring and touching- an amazing community!
I just finished reading Hope Meadows, and I amexcited about this book, and the community it represents.The book tells the stories of children, adoptive parents, and older adults who live in a community that focuses on family.Seniors in the community volunteer to work with the kids, who, in turn, help out the seniors.Most of the children at Hope Meadows come from abusive backgrounds and have a multitude of behavioral and physical problems.Wes Smith has done an excellent job bringing these stories to life for the reader- you feel as though these are your neighbors.I HIGHLY recommend this book!....I actually cried reading some of these stories- if this book doesn't move you, nothing will!

Profiles of Caring Adults Providing Hope for the Unadopted
I have always thought that good foster parents deserved to be viewed as heroines and heroes by our society.Those who do even more and help the children with the greatest needs perhaps qualify as saints.And if they do more than that, I'm afraid that my language skills fall short of being able to capture my full respect and admiration.Naturally, there are never enough of such wonderful people.Unfortunately, many children cannot get foster care and live in orphanages.Others are abused in foster care in various ways.Others live in homes where parents do not take good care of them. Beautifully written, heartfelt truelife stories
A beautifully written book by a talented author about an inspirational community started by a remarkable woman!Wes Smith's writing brings to life the story of Brenda Eheart's noble efforts to build a successful innovative alternative to foster care and adoption. As Smith so eloquently describes "It is a deceptively simple approach crafted by an improbable advocate in a most unlikely place."I couldn't put the book down! The brown-toned portraits collaged on the inside covers initially caught my eye because of their beauty, but by the end I could look at those same pictures and feel like I knew those faces, those smiles.I find myself wishing that I did know them or that I might meet them someday.Smith writes each chapter focusing on a single family/resident of Hope Meadows.Each chapter is an intriguing story in its own right, yet the stories interweave the lives of other residents as well, just as all the lives interweave at Hope Meadows to create the success of this inter-generational, inter-racial community.Smith writes in his introduction "In a world that often seems self-absorbed and hard-hearted beyond belief, it restores your faith in humanity to find that there are still people who believe they can make things better by reaching out and giving of their talents and their time." You will come away inspired by the human spirit and grateful that you had the opportunity to read this book. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Abandoned children    2. Abused children    3. Adoption    4. Children    5. Children's Studies    6. Family & Relationships    7. Family/Marriage    8. Hope Meadows (Rantoul, Ill.)    9. Illinois    10. Institutional care    11. Public Policy - Social Services & Welfare    12. Rantoul    13. Services for    14. Sociology   

Reviews (18)

great book!
This book gives practical ideas, with examples to follow broken down into a user-friendly format for those of us who are journaling-challanged!

Perfect Book for a Foster/Adopted Child
I am currently writing my childs LifeBook.Without this book for guidance I would be lost.I am lucky enough to have a few photo's of my son at various ages from 1 month to 18 months, including one of the birthmom and him at 5 months of age.This book is helping me tell his story without my emotions getting in the way.This is truely his book and very personal.

Creating a Lifebook
This book has a lot of idea's for creating a lifebook. It will be very helpful. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Child Care/Parenting    2. Family & Relationships / Adoption    3. Adoption    4. Blank Books / Diaries / Memory Books    5. Blank Books/Journals    6. Family & Relationships    7. Foster children    8. Foster home care    9. Scrapbooks    10. Scrapbooks, Memory Books   

Reviews (11)

A moving story of reunion and identity
Books like this are difficult for me to review because my adoption memories are so painful, but Mr. Brooks' is not to be missed. His moving story covers the discovery of identity, culture, and heritage that adoption so often denies adoptees. I, too, was blessed to reunite with my mother and find the rich history and heritage of my family.
A Wealth of Family: An Adopted Son's International Quest for Heritage, Reunion, and Enrichment
From the first page to the last, I was completely immersed in this riveting book as the author's journey, to find his biological parents, takes him down very diverse paths.I completed the book in one sitting experiencing emotions of sadness, sympathy, and happiness.The complex dynamics of exploring new familial relationships while legitimizing the love of existing ones makes for an intriguing story.I found this book to be inspirational and it has given me hope in my search to find my biological brother who was adopted at birth.

A Well Written, Inspirational Epic of Self-Discovery and Familial Appreciation
Thomas Brooks found out he was adopted in early adolescence. It wasn't until he was an adult that he decided to find the parents who gave him away. Through diligent research, he finds out that his birth mother was white and his birth father was a black Kenyan foreign student. Dispelling shock, stereotypes, and self-pity, Brooks plunges into his history and eagerly embraces his new, extended family, while never letting go of his loving adoptive family. A Wealth of Family is Brooks' emotional recording of his brave journey in and out of himself from a disadvantaged area of inner-city Pittsburgh across the ocean to Europe and Africa in search of his identity that was given away at birth. In doing so, Brooks adopts a healthy relationship with his three families: his adopted family, his birth mother's family, and his birth father's family. Additionally, with the amalgamation of these cultures participating in his life, Brooks' awareness of race relations and the ignorance of others is heightened and becomes one of the reasons he writes this story. "I wrote this book because I am proud of the heritage of my three diverse families...I have endeavored to provide a perspective on multicultural families and insights on overcoming poverty and racism."
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Subjects:  1. Adoption    2. Biography & Autobiography / People of Color    3. Ethnic Studies - African American Studies - General    4. Family & Relationships / Adoption    5. Family / Parenting / Childbirth    6. Social Science    7. Sociology    8. Adopted children    9. Adoptees    10. African Americans    11. Family relationships    12. Race awareness    13. Racially mixed people    14. United States   

Reviews (175)

A Book That Sticks With You
I was particularly taken by this very sad story and in fact read it again, almost a year later (something I rarely do).The author had everything it takes to keep my interest and make the story real enough to haunt me for a long time.This is an excellent memoir.

They Cage the animals at night
Growing up was hard for me. As the oldest of three, eventually five, with a mon addicted to crack cocaine, I moved from hosue to house, from school to school. Though always with family. When I read this book I cried until I couldn't cry anymore. Selective amnesia has made it difficult to remember the simplest of things but I will never forget this book and its incredible author, that taught me not that life is rough but that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I read this book almost ten years ago, during a time in my life when I wished to end it all but this book gave me the courage to go on and now at 22 yrs of age I am happier than I've ever been.

Touching Novel
This book is very touching. I recomend it to anyone who is in for a sad story. You can see how bad Jennings was treated and how he lived his terrible life. This book is sure to make you cry ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Adoption    2. Alternative Family    3. Biography    4. Boys    5. Case studies    6. Child psychology    7. Children    8. Family / Parenting / Childbirth    9. Institutional care    10. Interpersonal Relations    11. New York (N.Y.)    12. Biography: general    13. Family & Relationships / Family Relationships   

Reviews (6)

Inclusive, Open-minded parenting guide for all parents of adopted children
This is a wonderful, encyclopedic guide for all parents of adopted children. Whether your child is young or old, new to you or has been with your family for a long time, you will learn something by reading this book. It's like having an on-line support group on your table top!
Adoptive Parents... This is a must!
What a powerhouse of information Jean MacLeod & Sheena Macrae's collection is!I can't imagine any adoptive parent not having this book.It isn't the type of book you sit and read, yet I have had parents tell me they have, but it is more like a reference book to me.It has information that can help in countless situations for such a variety of problems or worries.If it can't help then it refers you to places to find help.What more can a book do?As a therapist I have this book on my coffee table in my office.There are few books that I select to sit there facing each parent that comes into my office... but this sure is one of them.
A 'Must Have' Adoption Book
This is the best adoption book/resource that I have read (and I have read a great many). It contains sensible, accessible, and realistic advice for (prospective) adoptive parents. It is also a useful tool for agency officials, social workers, interested family members etc.
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Subjects:  1. Adoption    2. Developmental - Child    3. Family & Relationships    4. Family/Marriage    5. Parenting - General   

Editorial Review

"Some people may describe adoption as Read more

Reviews (18)

Informational, Yet Flawed
I agree with the two reviwers who said that this book assumes that all people who adopt are unable to conceive, and that the book is overly "PC". In regards to infertility, the book really does heap it on about how people who can't conceive need to grieve, and may think that they won't be able to love another's child, and so on. We're not infertile, but I would be just as offended if I were. Infertility and adoption do not always go hand in hand, and I think that Melina forgets that.
The number one book to get!
We are in the process of getting our home study done thru Lutheran Social Services and this is one of the "required reading" books.It is far better than any book I've purchased on adoption on my own.It takes you through every scenario.It's realistic and practical.It's also easy to read.

Disappointing.
Like the other posters, I too was given this book as part of our homestudy for adopting a child from China. After reading the first chapter I found myself insulted. This book assumes all who read it are adopting because they cannot get pregnant, which is not my case. While infertility is something that should not be ignored, and I appreciate the fact that most adoption books I read address the matter, this book would have been much more respectable if it did not direct its text to the reader as a person who cannot conceive. I was so insulted that I returned the book to my social worker with these concerns. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Adopted children    2. Adoption    3. Child Care/Parenting    4. Family & Relationships    5. Family / Parenting / Childbirth    6. Parenting    7. Parenting - General    8. United States    9. Child care & upbringing    10. Family & Relationships / Parenting   

Editorial Review

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Reviews (102)

Ten Thousand Sorrows
Ten Thousand Sorrows was an overall great book. I wish the author had given some dates throughout the book so we could get more of an idea of when the events were taking place. But then again, dates may not have been important - just the fact that the events happened.
Ten Thousand Stars for Ten Thousand Sorrows
Anger rises within me when I read negative reviews on Elizabeth Kim's Ten Thousand Sorrows. What motivated me to choose this remarkable book out of the library was the fact that it was about a Korean war orphan. Like Kim, I am a Korean adoptee who did not have a father. I have disabilities that I have to deal with for life, and I know how Kim felt with her share of tough times. Like her, I idolize my birthmother that I never knew. Some complain about how Kim viewed her mother as "perfect with no flaws." Everyone has weaknesses in life, and I'm sure she knows that. But the reader has to realize when Kim was living in Korea, her mother was all she had and they loved each other deeply. The pair was already outsiders in society because there was no father in the family. It was very admirable that they spent the few years they shared together with a very close relationship, instead of adding to their misery and having a unhealthy bond.
The Sad Truth
What a life! I commend this women to have come out of it all and have the strength and love for herself and her daughter. It opened up my eyes about what goes on in other countries and the prejudice within ones own race. It was very quick to read and I am happy that I did. It was an exellent book and I really liked it. The only thing I didn't like is she elaborated to much on the christian beleifs that she was raised by. I am not religious and don't know much about religion and I was somewhat lost when she kept going on and on about it. From what I understood from it was that her parents abused her and used the religion and God as an excuse. Hence.. the reason why I am not religious. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Abuse of    2. Adoption    3. Biography    4. Biography & Autobiography    5. Biography / Autobiography    6. Biography And Autobiography    7. Biography/Autobiography    8. Discrimination & Racism    9. Kim, Elizabeth    10. Korea    11. Korean American women    12. Orphans    13. Specific Groups - General    14. Women    15. Biography & Autobiography / Women    16. Reading Group Guide   

Reviews (8)

Great Book!
It really gives good insight into the mind of the older adopted child. It tells why conventional parenting techniques don't work on them and what does work and why. It talks about attatchment problems and finding a good therapist that has actually delt with the problems adopted children have.
Great resource
Very practical info for those raising, adopting or fosteringthese very special children.

Excellent for adopted and non-adopted children
We have friends with a "hurt" child and after reading this very helpful and insightful book, I bought them a copy and am told of their increased confidence in handling the little boy. Even if only one single advice in the book helped, the parents would be very grateful.Read more

Subjects:  1. Adoption    2. Adoptive parents    3. Christianity - Christian Life - Parenting    4. Family & Relationships    5. Family/Marriage    6. Intercountry adoption    7. Parenting    8. Parenting - General    9. Religion - Marriage & Family    10. Special needs adoption    11. United States   

Reviews (12)

Wonderful, but...
This adoption classic is a wonderful view into the post placement, lifelong relationship between all members of the adoption triad. It is not, however, a guide to writing the pre-placement, "dear birthmother letter" that potential adoptive parents must create. For that sort of help, look to Nelson Handel's also wonderfully written "Reaching Out," which provides valuable insight into the process of open adoption for those setting off to build a family in this way.

Open Adoption Process
My husband and I originally were very scared of the idea of an open adoption.This book helped us to understand that open adoptions are healthy in all aspects of the adoption triad.Birthmothers feel more secure in their decision because they have fairly regular letters/pictures delivered to them, showing them that their child is healthy and happy.The adoptive parents virtually never have to answer their childs questions about the adoption with "I don't know" and the adopted child doesn't have to wonder where he/she is from and why they were "given up."This was the most wonderful book that my husband and I read - and we have read a lot (b/c, by the way, my husband is also adopted, but with a closed adoption).He and his sister have sustained a lot of heartache searching for their birthfamilies, and this book helps adoptive parents to deal with all of the fear that they feel when dealing with an open adoption.

Better Books Out There
I originally thought this book would help with writing a "dear birthmother" letter, but then consider the full title (which isn't obvious from the cover) "Dear Birthmother, Thank You for Our Baby."I had read a couple other books about the emotions people feel from all sides of the adoption triad, and this one repeats those, if not dumbs it down.The letters included are real conversation between triad members, but the author reiterates things that were just said in the letter, like we didn't just read it!Or she'll give a summary of how a person feels about their child or the adoption, then follow it up with the letter saying the same thing.
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Subjects:  1. Adoption    2. Alternative Family    3. Family & Relationships    4. Family / Parenting / Childbirth    5. Family/Marriage    6. Open Adoption   

Editorial Review

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Reviews (59)

Major Disagreements
While I realize that many readers enjoy approaching a topic through the author's personal experiences, people like myself will find much of this book self indulgent.
Great informative book with heart and facts about adopting in China.
This book is very easy to read if you are thinking of adopting or are adopting from China.It is full of information on chinese culture, the adoption process, and what may happen after you get back home.Some parts brought tears to my eyes, but I am a bit sappy.I would recommend this book to people adopting, thinking of adopting from China, or those who have already adopted.It really gives a lot of information on Chinese history and why so many little baby girls are abandoned shortly after birth.My heart goes out to all the lost daughters and I hope they are all given the chance to find a forever family.

ten thousand stars
This is one of those rare books that I can't praise highly enough.I won't summarize it because others have done so.
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Subjects:  1. Abandoned children    2. Adoption    3. Asia - China    4. Children's Studies    5. China    6. Chinese    7. Family & Relationships    8. Family / Parenting / Childbirth    9. Family/Marriage    10. Minority Studies - General    11. Orphanages    12. Sociology    13. United States    14. Women's Studies - General    15. Biography: general    16. Family & Relationships / Adoption    17. Women's studies   

Reviews (10)

Outstanding guide for anyone considering intl. adoption
Ms. Erichsen's updated version of How To Adopt Internationally is even better than her first version.She accurately clarifies the steps in a process that can be challenging and lengthy.She provides necessary and detailed information and answers the questions any adoptive parent needs to know.Ms. Erichsen's expertise in the field is quite apparent.The book is extremely well written, thoughtful and an absolute must read for anyone who is thinking about adopting internationally or who is in the process.

I'm glad I didn't have to go it alone...
Frankly, I didn't know where to start when I decided to try to adopt from Armenia, a country that (at the time) didn't allow agency-directed adoptions. I read this book cover-to-cover, and realized that I would need a LOT of help in order to avoid the pitfalls inherent in independent adoptions. I found a great facilitator to handle the ideosyncratic Armenian requirements, but she didn't know the ins-and-outs of the U.S. side of the equation. This book is exactly as it claims to be: a Guide to International Adoption. It breaks the process down into sequenced steps that make sense of the bureaucratic nightmare inherent in the adoption process. Good, solid, practical advice
This is a solid, practical "how to" book that gets right into the nuts and bolts of the international adoption process. While most of the books I found on international adoption were either woefully outdated or tended to be a collection of heartwarming stories about adoptive parents and their journey to their child, this was the only book that explained the entire process from the very beginning to the very end. I have a paperwork phobia, so I especially appreciated all of the examples of the forms and documents the book included, the packing lists for the trip abroad, the guidelines for preparing for the homestudy and for preparing the foreign dossier. I'm planning to get a copy of this book for my parents to help them understand the process. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Adoption    2. Family & Relationships    3. Family / Parenting / Childbirth    4. Family/Marriage    5. Handbooks, manuals, etc    6. Intercountry adoption    7. Law and legislation    8. United States   

Reviews (20)

how can I get you to read this book?
Fabulous from the start.So much intermingles in this book - history, politics, personal struggle, life in Africa, bi-racial familes, adoption - that to narrow it down to a memoir wouldn't be doing it justice.
Three cheers for Chipo!!!!!!!!!
This memoir goes to show on how faith and love can conquer all odds. It has opened my eyes on the issue of AIDS and the politically unstable country of Zimbawiae. A very touching love story of father and daughter.

Makes you wake up
In dealing with their personal frustrations, the author shows us the hurdles and challenges of wanting to help in nations that need it the most.It is a good read, heartwarming.But unlike most books, it left me in search of an organization that can break through and really offer help to children touched by AIDS. ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Adoption    2. Biography & Autobiography    3. Biography / Autobiography    4. Biography/Autobiography    5. General    6. Humanitarians    7. Personal Memoirs    8. Biography & Autobiography / General    9. Reading Group Guide   

Reviews (18)

Heartfelt but Flawed
I thought that the essays in this collection were heartfelt, to say the least -- at times gutwrenching. However, the book's editing is so unilateral as to leave me wondering just how universal the feelings presented in these essays are.
Questions for others
I have a couple of concerns about this book. As a mom who has lost a child to adoption, I am familiar with the "writing a letter to your child" right after placement and filling up the pages with words of hope. However, often times, this is not the full scope of the reality of what has happened to the mom, and it is a once done thing, and is frozen in time. It doesn't seem to go into depth of the sense of loss that these women will feel later, how they will be affected negatively by the loss of their child, despite their greatest hopes forced into making this decision through lack of any real options by profit making agencies.
ADOPTION BOOK LIKE NO OTHER
As an adoptive Mom, I have read countless books on adoption.None have touched my heart like this one. This book gives dignity to the choice of relenquishing a child for the sake of their future.It shows the internal battle that rages within a young mother who is forced to make a decision because of her situation & cultural stigmas. All the stories take you to Ae Ran Won & show you that before we were Momma, there was someone who will forever have left an indelible mark on the hearts of our precious chosen children.A MUST READ FOR ANY ADOPTIVE PARENT!! ... Read more

Subjects:  1. Adoption    2. Adoption And Adoption Services    3. Family / Parenting / Childbirth    4. Social Science    5. Sociology    6. Sociology - General   

Reviews (7)

A must for every international adoptive family!
This resource will change the very lives and future of every parent and, more importantly, every child of every parent who uses it.It's foundation is the highlighting of strengths, acknowledging the resiliency of children and the growth that is possible for everyone involved in the endeavor of writing a lifebook for/with a child.It is positive in its approach, sensitive and obviously based on years of professional and personal experience. What a Great Find!
This book is incredibly readable and offers a wealth of information to parents.I love the format!Highly recommended!

Someone has finally done it!
As an adoption professional I see many parents who love their children but struggle with their child's life story. Many children have joined their adoptive families through difficult or challenging circumstances and this can be hard to balance with a parent's joy of welcoming their new family member. Some parents feel that creating a lifebook for their child will focus more on the unpleasant details. I also see children who have in their minds created their own "lifebook" with details that may not be true or accurate such as "my birth mother did not keep me because I was an ugly baby". Read more

Subjects:  1.&